MY STORY- Day One

Oh I have fallen flat so many times. I hear about the next big (supposed) breakthrough and get my hopes up. I “drink the Kool-Aide” so to speak. I tell everyone about this “new thing” that is going to melt my thighs and give me six-pack abs. So many starvation and weird food diets, it is simply impossible to count how many. My attempts to return to a healthy weight have included behavioral therapy (more than once, and more than one style), Overeaters Anonymous, Conscious Weight Loss, Weight Loss Clinic.

Books on the subject, by the gross (no pun intended) - The Blood Type Diet, The Carbohydrates Addict’s Diet, The Atkins Diet, The Zone, The Gold Coast Cure to name a few. The Fad diets: Grapefruit, Cabbage, Fruit Only, Juice Only, Hollywood, Apple Cider Vinegar and Raw Eggs, the standard food pyramid and of course Low Fat/Fat Free.

Extreme exercise, goofy “rules” for exercising – like cardio first to burn fat which lets you put on more muscle, weight training first which burns glucose and then cardio to burn fat more efficiently, only in the morning, only in the evening, both morning and evening. Oh and the fabulous exercise equipment! I don’t even want to add up the thousands I’ve spent over the years to make exercising more convenient by doing it at home. Ha! Convenient is great, but until someone sells motivation in a box, I’m not buying any more dust collectors.

I’ve even secretly considered Drastic Bypass. It’s exhausting just trying to recall all the times I’ve tried to, as Oprah puts it, Make the Connection. I finally quit trying, and bulked up to nearly 300 pounds. Horrifying. Frightening. Terribly sad. And coming to that last-ditch solution called surgery has frightened me more than watching the scale creep up to the big Three-Oh-Oh.

The last few years have been gearing up to this, and I’ve found myself in a healing crisis the last few years with extremely high blood pressure, fibromyalgia, inflammatory arthritis, sleep apnea, vitamin deficiencies, tendonitis, chronic pain and extreme fatigue. Test after test confirming that if I don’t make significant changes and soon – I won’t survive. My girls need a mother. My husband needs a wife. My family needs a daughter, sister, aunt and niece. But most importantly – I need MYSELF.

I have tried for two decades to find the self-love necessary to accept my body for what it is, and yet care for it in ways that enhance rather than deplete my essence, and makes life worth living. But when it gets difficult, I’m in pain, not sleeping and fatigued, when life ramps up with bills and errands and carpools as it inevitably does at times, I have turned to the comfort and dissociation of a food-induced high. Yes, I love food (who doesn’t)- but I am ready to break free of this destructive emotional and addictive relationship and instead turn to food for sustenance, life-giving nutrition and vitality; to enjoy it, even love it while knowing that love can turn to obsession unless I remain mindful and connected to what is TRUE for me. Then I found something that gave me…pause…

I have a love affair going with my holistic MD. She has been instrumental in helping sort out the complex workings of my particular body, and finding ways to heal without just putting band-aids all over the place. You know with band-aids, there comes a time when you just have to rip them off!!! Yeouch! Earlier in the fall, she suggested I consider doing the HCG diet to kick-start my metabolism, and referred me to a naturopath for guidance.

I had to look for a doctor who was actually on my insurance plan first, and scheduled an appointment with someone who sounded promising, and has actively worked with this particular diet. It was an okay first visit, however she recommended multiple supplements and IV therapy to help boost my depleted body before beginning the diet. This included a “new program” of dietary supplements formulated to release fat – to the tune of several hundred dollars per month. I almost drank the Kool-Aide again. After having two IV cocktails over a few months and missing my third due to a sick child, being a few hundred bucks lighter with a few months gone and no closer to actually beginning HCG, I decided that I was no better off and would not go back.

Shortly after that I was at a gluten-free cookie exchange in early December and met someone who mentioned they had just lost 15 pounds in three weeks on homeopathic HCG. It was exciting to hear that my love of energetic medicine (and homeopathy in particular) was actually an option for this!

I researched for several weeks before deciding to go forward. It seemed too good to be true!!! Yet another fad, yet another promise of miraculous results and oh, the hope that inspired was just too intoxicating…but I refrained from jumping head first, instead pinching myself to be sure what I was reading was actually true. I’ve read the original manuscript called “Pounds and Inches” by Dr. A.T.W. Simeons which outlines the initial research, the reasoning, the diet etc; found multiple blogs and forums, checked books out of the library and joined a few email groups for newbies, people beginning in January 2010 and using the homeopathic version.

This is Day One. I can’t tell you how excited and hopeful I feel, knowing this is one tool able to give me the jumpstart to mindfully and wisely make the changes necessary for living the life I deserve and having a body that is healthy, moves with ease and maybe even a little bit of grace.